Drag Me ta Hadies

Ooooh Chile I saw that pitcha Drag Me Ta Hadies up in dat movie house last week. I has to tell you about dis pitcha! Dis white bitch be workin at a bank up in dis pitcha. Girlfriend turn down dis old gypsie sista fo mo time on sista's loan. That woman put a hex upon dis whitebread white girl. She get off work an dat old gypsy be up in da back of heh cah! Girlfriend knock her teefs out! The false teeth be U-Glee. Lawd dat be gross! These white folks be crazy up in dis pitcha! A sista woulda got the hell out dat crib in dis house!

In da end white sista think she done won but Gypsy drag her white ass to hell unda a train! Dis movie is da shit! You gots ta see dis pitcha!

I be gon swap two watamelons fo a dvd of dis pitcha!

Shanekwa's Rating: 5 stars and a carton of Kool Filta King!

Atonements

Girl, I saw that pitcha called Atonements on dvds last night. I don't like tear jerkers, but this one be ah-ight. This white dude be workin fo some rich white folks as they gardener. Fo real tho. He be sneakin around with they daughter an shit. Bitches' little sista be havin a thang fo him too. So she tell everybody that he attacked some otha white bitch and raped her. He end up in prison and shit. They send him to fight in some bad ass war and he be killed and she drown in a tunnel and they ain't ever gone see each otha again. Then her sista be done wrote a book and all. We's supposed to feel sorry for dat bitch, but I ain't havin none of that shit. She nevah made thangs right wit sista befoe she died. Them white folks sho is crazee!

If ya'll be likin my reviews and shit, please tell yo frins and nem to come check em out. I ain't gone promise to review everythang up in here, but if you won'ts me to review somethin, leave me a little comment up in here and ask fo it and I just might review a pitcha fo you and shit. I'll go rent that shit and write up a review!

Shanekwa's Rating: 2 Stars...just cause them white folks ain't right!

Da Mist

I loves me some Stephen King movies homie! Dat some good shit. Dis one be crazeee! These dum ass white folks and just a couple brothas is trapped in dis grocery stoe cuz some bugs be flyin around in da mist outside da stoe. Some shit wit some tentickles be up in da hood and they scared and shit. Dis crazy white lady be preachin and shit about God bein mad coz they be sinnin and shit. Dis other white lady throws some peas and hits bitch and say, "They be throwin stones in da Bible and shit and I's got lots of peas!" I mean sista clocked her ass! In the end the dude with da kid finally gets away in his SUV and shit and then he shoot his son and all da people in his car. I guess he shot they ass coz they didn't wanna be eated by da bugs and shit. He find out it was a mistake coz the troops be comin and shit. You have got to see dis pictha. It be bad!

Shanekwa's Rating: 5 Stars Girl

Da Brave One

I know bitches I ain't blogged up in here foe a while an all dat, but I's back now and I'm still da baddest reviewer up in dis place. Foe real tho! Ah-ite...So me an my frin we be goin to da movies and we seen that movie Da Brave One. It be starrin dat white chick named Jodie Foster. Foe real. She be all tough an shit. She look like she be a lesbianism in dis movie! Girlfriend and her mane be's walkin they dog and they be attacked by some Mexican lookin brothas. Bitch boyfriend die and all that. Girlfriend be on the radio talkin and shit. She is beat up so bad an all. She gets to go back to work and all that and she be goin out killin folks at stoes, on da train, up in da hood, ya'll she get revenge on all dem doods and gets her dog back in da end! My favorite part is when dood calls her a bitch and she say "Who's da bitch now homey?" Bitch shot him in da face right after she say that! You have got to see dis picture! It made me laugh girl! I gives it 2 thumbs up and a hair pick!

Thanks to all ya'll foe waitin foe me ta review anotha pitcha! I's back now! After that Brokedback Mountain I ain't felt like reviewin nothin! I's over it now!

Shanekwa Rating: 5 Stars, sista!

Brokedback Mountain

Aight...So I take my sista to see dat movie Brokedback Mountain and we almost lost it up in da theater! I mean girlfriend caught her mane kissin' on some dude and didn't say nuthin! How in the hell can they sit up in that place knowin sista didn't even go outside and kick some ass? I would have been all up in that Jack dude's face fo kissin' on my mane! Them white bitches is crazy! She even let him flip her over when they be doin they business and didn't even say nothin! Finally sista has had enough cos he won't give her none unless she has moe chilren. She gets a divorce and marries some wimp from da grocery stoe! I did like that Thanksgiving clip where that dude Jack told his wife's daddy to sit his sorry ass down befoe he knocks his ass up inta nex week! Then sista tells that Ennis dude that she knows he be lyin about fishin cos she put a note on that damn string and he didn't even get it wet. She clocked his ass! He got mad and left! That was some crazy shit! Then it's like them white dudes kissin' some mo befoe one of 'em is killed in some gay bashin by three other white dudes who you cain't see good enough to know who be done did the killin. That gay dude is on the phone talkin to Jack's wife and she be knowin' she had that cheatin' rascal killed, but she makes up some shit about him changin' a flat and the tire blowin' up in his face. Yeah right bitch! She was pretty nice on the phone, but she was frontin.' I would have said, "Look homey, I knows you been kissin' and doin' all kind of nasty stuff to my mane! I ain't no fool!" Girlfriend be all like, tellin' him to call Jack's parents and try and get the other half of his ashes to scatter on Brokedback Mountain cos that was his favorite place. Yeah right. He liked it cos he be gettin' somethin' up on that mountain. Sister ain't that dumb! Then the gay dude goes to Jack's momma and daddy nem's crib to pick up them ashes and homey said, "We gots a family plot and he's goin' in it!" Like dude really thought they would give him they son's ashes anyways! I mean fo real though! Then dude goes upstairs to find some shirts in that closet and me and my frin just lost it up in that theater. We be cryin and shit! I mean I got so emotionals! I never cried befoe not even in da Color Purple and shit! Then that gay dude's daughter Alma, Jr. comes to his crib to tell him she's gettin' married. When she be leavin' she leaves her scarf and he folds it and smells it and opens the closet. Them shirts is hangin' up in there and a postcard of Brokedback Mountain. Me and my sista cried some moe! We was ready to go! I cried some moe in the car befoe I told her I don't care if they's gay or not. That shit ain't right that they had to be hurted and shit. I felt so bad. I knows what it's like. That's some sad stuff. Ya'll needs to see this movie if only to see how white folks just ain't right!

Shanekwa Rating: 5 Stars Girl!